boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
