i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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