Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
