I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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