I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
