dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
