Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
