even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
