just come out here and I will go home with you...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
