The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
