I don't think brook has ever known best
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
