I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
