I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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