I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
