Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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