I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
