Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
