To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
