hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
