hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
