nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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