I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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