At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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