Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
