i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
