Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
