Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
