burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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