She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
