What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
