So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
