so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
