I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
NoShamevember. You game?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
