Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I bet he comes in French.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
