ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
