Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
