I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
