It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
