nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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