When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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