Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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