My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
