A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
