I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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