Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I got inside last night via doggy door
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
