i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
