Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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