that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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