This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
