dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
