Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
